Now that I know so much about this process, I have agreed to be a Donor Manager where I counsel the newly registered donors and share with them my experience so they don't feel so nervous to become a donor. This is a serious decision for them, and it is very comforting to talk with someone who experienced it before. From this, I am noticing a list of commonly asked questions and think this is a good place to cover these items not found on the website. Here is a list of frequently asked questions that potential donors will ask me:

How soon will I be matched?
It's variable at AED. Since the recipients choose the donors themselves, some may be chosen quickly, some take months, some may wait over a year or two, or never be chosen. We will keep donors registered in our database as long as they are willing to wait, or until their 33rd birthday.

How long does the entire process take?
From the time you are matched to the time of egg retrieval, it will take about 3 months. This time includes the screening, waiting for the test results (some take 3 weeks to receive), synchronizing your menstrual cycle with the Intended Mother (or surrogate) using birth control pills, and then starting the injections for a few weeks.

Since I saw that AED is located in NY, will I have to travel there for all my appointments?
No. That is just where our main office is located. For your donation, it only matters where your IP's (Intended Parents) IVF clinic is located. That is where you will travel to donate and the IP will pay for your travel expenses. You can be located anywhere in the US to be a donor in this agency. In some cases, the IP's clinic will be in the same local area you are, so you won't even have to travel.

Did it hurt?
I was asleep during the retrieval and did not feel anything. When I woke up, I felt sore in my lower abs, like I was sore from a workout. At my first retrieval, I woke up holding a heating pad against my tummy and it felt very nice. At my 2nd and 3rd retrieval, I asked the nurse if I could have one again and they were always very kind and gave one to me. I did make sure to bring my own reusable microwavable one to use when I got back to my hotel. A heating pad and Ibuprofen was all I needed to feel comfortable the rest of the day. When you get out of bed though, it is sore like you exercised really hard the day before, I had to move slowly, but it was not painful. I had some mild cramping and what felt like "side stitches" (just different location) at times, but was quite minimal since I kept myself on the Ibuprofen and heating pad.

Was there any bleeding?
There is some spotting like a light period, and the clinic usually has feminine pads supplied in the restroom where you change back into your clothes. The spotting only lasts for a couple hours up to a day. I also noticed my urine was colored with blood too, but that didn't last longer than one day.

Did you meet your recipients? Do you have to meet them?
Meetings are actually rare. I met my first and second recipients - the first couple requested it, I requested it for my second. My 3rd donation was anonymous and I did not meet them. At AED, you can state your preference in your profile so your recipients know what you prefer, but if you donate directly through a regular clinic, you can pretty much always expect an anonymous closed relationship. Most donations at AED are anonymous, but if there are any questions or new info you want to update to the recipients (like a new medical history issue), you can tell the agency and they will pass along the message to the family keeping the rest of your info confidential.

Will I still get paid if the couple doesn't get pregnant?
You are being paid for your time and commitment, not the quality or quantity of your eggs. If you followed all your instructions carefully and the doctor was able to retrieve eggs at your retrieval, then you will receive your full compensation for having taken the injections and going through the procedure. And, if you learn that the couple was unsuccessful, just remember that you are only a percentage of the equation, so don't fret and think it was your fault.

If you are not able to finish the donation cycle, are you financially responsible for what the recipients paid in your medical bills?
If you need to quit for a reason that is out of your control such as illness or a death in your immediate family, then rather than quit, your legal agreement might state that you simply reschedule and postpone the retrieval to a better time. If you quit because you were not committed and cannot provide a justifiable reason for stopping, you may be responsible to pay back the recipients for wasting their time and money as nothing is refundable for them. Do not become a donor if you do not actually care about the IP's success. If this is just about the money for you... trying to find words to finish this sentence is enraging me. Please leave. Now.

Do you plan to have your own children?
Yes, it is my goal to have a family of my own when I'm ready. I made my decision to donate knowing I wanted to have my own children too. I know that donating does not affect my future fertility.

Do you think you will feel any attachment to the children that would be conceived?
I thought about this when I first heard about egg donation too. In order for me to be comfortable being a donor, I had to define what I believed was ethical in this situation. I came to the conclusion that I would not think of the conceived children as mine in any way, and because the Intended Mother would be giving life to the baby in her own womb from the start, give birth, and raise the baby, then I have no emotional attachment either. Thinking of myself as the mother really sounds weird to me. Don't even call me the biological "mother," I would rather hear the children refer to me as their biological donor. I am also a believer of "nurture over nature."

Do you expect to meet the conceived children one day?
I'm not going to expect it, but if they request it on their own, then I would accept to meet them. In all of my contracts, I was able to define the rules for this. I would prefer that they wait until they've reached a mature age (18) so that our meeting is not emotionally based, or cause confusion in their family relationships in any way. At any time however, I don't mind them asking me questions or updates via writing through AED, so that everything is mediated. We just have to take everything one step at a time.